Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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