I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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