New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
