I want to have your abortion
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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