They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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