White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
