are you still at the devil's house?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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