Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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