they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
