she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
