If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
