The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
