I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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