my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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