guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
