I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
