I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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