I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So much rum. So many feels.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
