i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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