Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
