It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
