i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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