The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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