I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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