Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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