dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
