What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
