Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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