"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
