Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
