in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
