Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
