Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
