I wish my penis had an off switch
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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