I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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