Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
