I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
