I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
