dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
