Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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