How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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