nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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