Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
