You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
