Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
