This is not my ceiling
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
