I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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