Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
