Whod you bang
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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