I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
