she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
