just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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