my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
