Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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