tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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